Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Too much gin, very little bucket
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
