It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
