And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
