Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
