is wine microwaveable?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
