I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
