piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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