I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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