That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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