my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
