we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
