My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
