Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
