I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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