Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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