is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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