I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
