theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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