really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
