My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
