i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
