I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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