life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
