How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
