Banned from zoo.
Again?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
