I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
