i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
