Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
