"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
smell my finger.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
