The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
