It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize