She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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