My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
