Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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