I just threw up on my dentist
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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