she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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