Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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