I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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