drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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