She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
