Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
