You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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