I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
