Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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