I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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