Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
