every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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