Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
