Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
