i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
