She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
