My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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