i just sent this text using only my big toe
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
